For some time now, as I arrive home from shopping or work, my wife has greeted me with the question, “Are you winning?” And my habitual response has been, “Always winning.” I’ve found that over time, what started as a half-hearted joke has become an affirmation of sorts. Of course, there are occasions when I haven’t actually achieved all that I meant to, and I will acknowledge that: “Mostly winning”. But I’ve found the very act of talking positively and appreciating the success of the day has been revolutionary.
I haven’t always been so positive. I think most of us fall into the habit of continual self-criticism and complaint. Disappointments and the bitter experiences of life seem to develop in us a particular skill of noticing everything that goes wrong, every failure, every lost opportunity. So much so, that we can fail to notice the successes or only acknowledge them half-heartedly, even berate ourselves that they didn’t come along sooner. We can develop the same bitterness towards others too, constantly criticising, complaining about their failures, the back-handed compliment.
The first step toward change is recognizing that this pattern of negative focus is the path of least resistance. Complaining feels easy because it allows us to be passive—to let the day’s disappointments define our internal state. But this passive negativity extracts a high price. It silently siphons away our energy, blinds us to new opportunities, and strains our relationships, creating a continuous loop of bitterness and underappreciation. We become defined by what went wrong, rather than by what we chose to make right.
The good news is that we are not robots pre-programmed to react to every setback. Our minds possess something truly revolutionary: the power of choice. We are more than just a reaction to circumstances. You might think that if someone treats you poorly, you are bound to respond with anger, but that belief reduces you to the level of a simple algorithm. The person who is able to rise above that reactive equation is not only the more genuinely human but also the one who remains in control of their inner peace and their situation.
Cultivating a positive response, like my “Always winning” affirmation, is an act of self-discipline. It requires daily practice to break the ingrained habit of complaint and intentionally shift our focus. Instead of cataloguing every item that didn’t get crossed off the to-do list, we must actively seek out and appreciate the successes, the small victories, and the moments of grace we might otherwise overlook. It’s about learning to reframe those roadblocks not as permanent failures, but as lessons learned or opportunities for growth and resilience.
Ultimately, “Always winning” has nothing to do with achieving a perfect, problem-free day. It is an affirmation of the active choice to be grateful and self-aware. It means that regardless of the chaotic events I encountered, I won the internal battle to choose appreciation over complaint, self-discipline over passivity, and kindness over bitterness. It is the victory of intentional self-mastery over the default drift of negativity. The work is never truly done, but by practicing this response, we continuously open the door to a more energized and fruitful life.
David Moffat,
Swedenborg Community Victoria
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